Pre "school"

D is learning so much. And watching her turn a new trick (inappropriate/couldn't resist) is a thrill I never imagined. Every morning, Dorothy goes to "school." Marmy is the best teacher, though she does have more experience. We practice smiles, a skill she has down pretty much pat if you raise your voice in an excited way, sitting up, standing (although that one's mostly just so Mommy can watch her bobble,) and this week she has really started to try to "coo." Still not sure what exactly constitutes a coo but she is making sounds that are not screams or grunts. She must be sublimely happy to make them and when they come out they make Mommy sublimely happy. Never imagined the joy of hearing your tiny baby say "ah-goo." Marmy has also devised a way to learn to crawl that involves dragging the baby across the bed with her upper body on the Boppy. Must be seen to be believed and D loves it. These kinds of lessons along with eating and sleeping easily fill an entire day. I guess my days are now measured in my daughter's accomplishments, not mine (at least that's what I'll go with since my accomplishments are basically zero.)

Oh and I LOVE the new pump. No pain. Although D drinks the bottle much faster and still seems to need to suck afterward. Not a perfect solution but it has cut down on my crying and anxiety. Hmmmm.....

Ouch.

So tired of breast-feeding drama. 6 1/2 weeks of pain and frustration is now topped by feelings of inadequacy. I paid $100 for a "lactation consultant" to come yesterday and solve all my problems and make me a true earth mother. And it sort of worked while she was here. Then she left and I can't get it right again. Of course, she showed me two videos that just emphasized how lame I am. I mean, pigs, elephants, and primitive African tribeswomen can do it with no problem. And white women with giant nipples. Spent the night in tears with a screaming baby and well-meaning mother who only makes me feel worse since she was the La Leche League "breast-fed my kids till they were three" queen. Can't figure this out and now I'm so tired. Going to pick up my $200 pump this morning. I'm just trying to do what's best for my daughter! What kind of a mother can't feed her own child?