May Days

Hooray Dorothy is going to be baptized! Rob surprised me by suggesting we go to the Allen's Alley Rib Burn-Off, and I figured we could do it then. Pastor Geiser who baptized me is going to assist. I wonder if he's in a wheelchair? Anyway, Doodlebug is becoming more of a person every day. Sometimes I forget she's a baby and expect her to behave reasonably. She tries very hard, but gets overwhelmed sometimes. Who can blame her with two spazzes for parents? Her smiles and "coos" get stronger every day and I swear I heard a full on laugh today...not even asleep!

I am feeling worried that I might be getting boring to Robbie but I am leaving D at Grammy and Grampa's for a few extra hours tomorrow so I can start on my Annie stuff. The days go by so quickly just doing Mommy things, but then I'm not left with much to say at night except to repeat the gossip I heard from whomever I talked to on the phone that day. I guess I should read some good books or something to keep my brain going. I am bored with my own thoughts. I think working on Annie and even the American Idol class will help. I could work on another performance class with Sam? I love being Dorothy's mom.....those words don't cover it...I was BORN to be her mother and to learn about love from her, but I still feel like a slacker when I think of all the women who do it all. I know that she won't always need me every second like she does now, but it's hard to see past it, and it's so easy to get lazy. Speaking of....I need to work out! I have absolutely no butt!! Even Rob noticed and that's saying something :)

OK it's really today!

Poor baby delayed in Frankfurt. He promises to be home this afternoon. It has been a looooong wait. Crappy night's sleep last night. A rainy day nap is sure to be in order. Dorothy had a very good day yesterday with hardly any fussing but my plan to get her to sleep through the night failed fantastically. Attempts to give her the boob at 1AM were horrendous. We did go see the kids at Cantina for Cinco de Mayo just to say hello although I would have loved a margarita. Next year...Today I intend to bake a rhubarb cake for Robbie and even shower and blow dry my hair. Possibly clean the bathrom? Oh and scrub the kitchen floor. It's 8:14AM so optimism is in order. The mobile ran out so screams are not far behind. If only I could handle real coffee....

One more day!

Annie is on her way to the airport right now. We had so much fun and she was so helpful. Even learned how to change diapers! I will miss her. She was so sweet with Dorothy who fussed last night for two hours while I cooked dinner and pumped. That situation is improving or at least I am getting used to it. I have been nursing her twice a day still with discomfort but it makes me feel better about giving her bottles the rest of the day. I would like to up it to half and half but she'll have to learn to suck better or I'll be right back on the sore nipple train. We got caught in a storm while out in the Bjorn yesterday. Bad Mommy decision number one. Bjorn is only for sunny days. Got it.

Daddy gets home tonight!!!!!!!! We miss him. I miss him. And Natalie is coming Friday night????? I'll believe that when I see it but wouldn't that be fun!? Today looks promising. Weather seems gorgeous. What should we do? (Eat poop play sleep eat poop play sleep eat poop play sleep.)

Lots. of. screaming. Dorothy misses Daddy. Mommy misses Daddy. Thank God for Annie. Yesterday, we had lunch at Putnam (chocolate bomb...amazing) and then walked over to Congress Park and played for a little bit. It was a little to hot for Doodle Bug but she was a good sport. Cooler today. I can't wait to hear how the Italian Wedding went. I hope it wasn't a total rain out.

Mrs. Lippo worked very hard with Dorothy on her "batting" skills. She laid under the play yard for half an hour swinging around. If you put something in the way of her hands, she might swing at it! Brilliant child.

OK. Breakfast...check. E-mail and online venting...check. Getting butt out of chair and starting day..................... check.

Today, Dorothy discovered her feet! She's not quite up to reaching for them but she sat and stared at them for about 10 minutes. I think she is at least aware that they are around a lot. I was very proud this morning of getting us both together and out the door by 9AM with no help! I did not get a shower but I did get breakfast... infinitely more important. We spent the rest of the day refusing to nap while Mommy tried to pump. Difficult, annoying and I think I will try to nurse again tomorrow. Nips are pretty much healed now. Talked to the real Grandma Dorothy while walking Baby Grandma D in the Bjorn. Grandma sounds good. Babysitting grown-up grandchildren and their children.

Aunt Annie comes tonight!

Job offer from NYSTI again.... full-time work for a month... can I do it? Do I want to?

Pre "school"

D is learning so much. And watching her turn a new trick (inappropriate/couldn't resist) is a thrill I never imagined. Every morning, Dorothy goes to "school." Marmy is the best teacher, though she does have more experience. We practice smiles, a skill she has down pretty much pat if you raise your voice in an excited way, sitting up, standing (although that one's mostly just so Mommy can watch her bobble,) and this week she has really started to try to "coo." Still not sure what exactly constitutes a coo but she is making sounds that are not screams or grunts. She must be sublimely happy to make them and when they come out they make Mommy sublimely happy. Never imagined the joy of hearing your tiny baby say "ah-goo." Marmy has also devised a way to learn to crawl that involves dragging the baby across the bed with her upper body on the Boppy. Must be seen to be believed and D loves it. These kinds of lessons along with eating and sleeping easily fill an entire day. I guess my days are now measured in my daughter's accomplishments, not mine (at least that's what I'll go with since my accomplishments are basically zero.)

Oh and I LOVE the new pump. No pain. Although D drinks the bottle much faster and still seems to need to suck afterward. Not a perfect solution but it has cut down on my crying and anxiety. Hmmmm.....

Ouch.

So tired of breast-feeding drama. 6 1/2 weeks of pain and frustration is now topped by feelings of inadequacy. I paid $100 for a "lactation consultant" to come yesterday and solve all my problems and make me a true earth mother. And it sort of worked while she was here. Then she left and I can't get it right again. Of course, she showed me two videos that just emphasized how lame I am. I mean, pigs, elephants, and primitive African tribeswomen can do it with no problem. And white women with giant nipples. Spent the night in tears with a screaming baby and well-meaning mother who only makes me feel worse since she was the La Leche League "breast-fed my kids till they were three" queen. Can't figure this out and now I'm so tired. Going to pick up my $200 pump this morning. I'm just trying to do what's best for my daughter! What kind of a mother can't feed her own child?